getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
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