you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
