yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
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