now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
