it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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