Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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