And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize