Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize