I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
