im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
