he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
