He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
