You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
