did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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