Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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