Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
