Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
