why im i the only drunk person in the library?
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
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