No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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