Your tits are I can't wait for
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
And then my night got REAL pukey
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
