She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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