Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
There are leaves in my underwear?
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
