i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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