So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
