Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
