His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Randomize
