I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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