Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
