Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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