she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
