i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
