i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
me + whiskey = a bad person
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
