Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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