She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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