Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
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