it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
home. puking in laundry basket.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize