At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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