I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize