my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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