walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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