do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
