I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
So apparently I’m into choking now
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
