She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
