Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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