well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Randomize
