i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
it was like his penis was on wheels.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Randomize