Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
