So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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