So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Randomize
