I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
