call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
