he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
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