I feel like abortions should bother me more
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
