He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
i believe in u and ur pee
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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