If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize