Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
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