Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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