I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
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