look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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