I accidentally had phone sex last night
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
