I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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