i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
