Swine flu. Run for my life!
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
