and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I just forgot I was standing up.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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