you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
