Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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