I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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