I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
He did a backflip because drugs
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
