I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize