During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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