Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
